Easy Peasy Twice as Sneezy

Filled with Outrageous Anger and Unruly Spice

2007-01-04T21:47:44Z

No Introduction.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My cereal has little tiny bugs in it that look like flax seed soIcan'ttellthedifferenceandeatthemasiftheywere! Should I finish my cereal? This is just one of the many many questions blazing through my brain like frozen molasses. Some of the bugs are still moving and I already ate half of the bowl of cereal! I have bugs in me!

I've gotta find some kinda rhythm now that I'm again in LA. Home was great. Fantastic. Good family times except with the sis, and I got to see so many people, which was really great.

Some girl, who we'll briefly refer to as Macy, was tinkering with her car outside my window. Judging from her fixing technique, I find it safe to say that she was looking for the squirrel that leaped into her exhaust, traveled through her brake lines and ended up in one of her six valves. How terrible! I hope the squirrel's ok! Well, the girl just drove away, so I'll assume that she helped the squirrel to safety. Don't worry. I'll question her later and get the full story.

Hey, so I got to work on a Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts and Philip Seymour Hoffman movie for a day! I was an extra in a audience where Tom Hanks' character receives an award. Doesn't he seem to always be receiving awards? Well, he deserves them. He's the ultimate professional. Absolutely patient, and even a good bit hilarious. During the long time between takes, if he wasn't standing patiently waiting for excellent director Mike Nichols to get the next take ready, he was singing songs with us or just joking a bit. He has a terrifically funny manner. I saw him walking with some girl from the production, and he, in a very playful manner gestured with his hands and said, "I owe you 100 dollars! I owe you 100 dollars!" Just a funny/terrific seeming guy. I didn't talk to him or any of the other big people in it because, for goodness sakes, they're working, and I'd rather meet him as a peer than as an extra, and what are the chances of meaningful interaction? Not big. Slim like me.

Also, a guy named Jim who was an extra as well, kinda helped show me the ropes. He told me about positioning (getting next to a lead to help ensure you're seen on camera) and to get to the front of the line so you can pick where you'll be. Sounds kinda dog eat dog, but it's very unmalicious. Ok, so Jim knows a little bit about palm reading, he says. I take this for what it's worth, but it did seem at least a little bit accurate. He said, first thing he noticed was that I handed him my palm over half the distance between us with my fingers splayed open, meaning that I'm open in some kinda way. Then he shook my hand. He said I gave him the upper hand, which meant that I'm a little bit submissive, and I do know that I've been fighting my way to better asserting of myself, but I think it's right what he said about that moment. Also, he noticed that I had little callouses in my hands from playing piano. He said that maybe it's something that came kinda easy to me, but I don't find that true. Not in this lifetime. He found my lifeline and said that I'm not often sick. I know this. Excellent. Said my heart line wasn't complete, meaning love hasn't really manifest itself in my life. Well, ouch. Said just one love for me. What the shit does that mean? Sounds kinda final doesn't it? Don't quite like the sound of that. Also said I tend to perseverate over problems. Well good shot on that one. Hopefully not get stuck.

So after the holidays, here I sit, preparing the way for a new round of classes at Strasberg. My uncle in NJ had a contact from NY that I talked to that was so incredibly helpful. He helped show me a way. Said to get involved in as much extra work as possible, and in a year or two, I can know every casting director in the area, and if I'm patient, assertive and, well, good, he said getting things going shouldn't be a problem. I'm in it for the long haul.

In it for the long haul, got to see a guy named Paul, sitting in the center stall, drinkin' tea and howlin' "Ya'll!"

I'm here like whoa!

2006-09-12T21:15:24Z

I'm here to announce that I've been voted to take over daily operations at Park La Brea, which is the company that owns the floor under my feet and the roof over my head. They didn't vote, so much as say, "well, ok, since you've got that sharp knife...I guess it's yours. Please don't scratch it. I just got it detailed."

I've been riding my bike like whoa too. I'm getting a little bit cocky. I hope I don't die, but if I have to, I hope I hit someone who will not hate me, but love me for my tenacity and wed me and start one of those cute little baby farms in suburbi...wait. I don't think baby farms are as profitable as they used to be.

Are you prepared for a colon related emergency? I thought not. Get yourself to a licensed practitioner! You don't know where they're at, so you better be prepared to Google like crazy if the time comes.

Who needs a job? I've got a peanut butter and jelly sangwich, some orange juice, applesauce and a bunch of classes at the Strasberg Institute. Color me courageous!

Color me tickled purple, pink, yellow, black

2006-06-24T09:15:47Z

The more I hear/read/see people that I admire and the stuff they do, the more everything seems so normal, and the veil of mystery and status melts down to simple humanity. This is very good, for it eradicates ideas of celebrity, which are harmful to most everyone's spirit. It also means I get less excited about meeting people, because when you know they're simply human, they start to have lovely things called faults, which no one can admit to but our own actions.

Trumpets sound, and here I get to say I now have a Serenity postcard signed by Joss Whedon! I did not get to meet him myself, but a nice lady next to me won twice, so the second time she gave me the winning ticket! The event was one of 50 or so screenings of Serenity, most of them tonight, to raise money for Joss Whedon's favorite charity, Equality Now. You can watch his lovely speech about Equality Now right here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYaczoJMRhs. The man knows how to speak well!

And how are you lovely people? It was funny on the way to Cali (we drove 1800 miles!) there was a restaurant where the host greeted everyone with a surprising burst of a compliment, saying, "Hello you beautiful, wonderful people!" It was flattering, but also very loud, so I just tried to accept the comment graciously while leaning a bit farther out of the intense sonic noise he shot at us. Next he told us that he had deadbeat kids and how was he going to ever retire if he has to keep supporting them? Well, we had already solved one person's problem that day (girl with leprosy. Neat trick involving spit and green tea) so we could not offer him a solution.

Now, how was it sitting next to over 400 very excited Serenity/Firefly fans? It was pretty wild. Unfortunately I've seen the movie many many times, so it wasn't as fresh as it woulda been the first time, but it still showed that the man knows how to capture emotion, and just how much of a role the camera plays in the rhythm and drive in a scene.

One lady wore a sweater full of homemade buttons. The front was covered in Firefly stuff, the back, with Buffy. One girl had a funny pin that expresses discontent over the ending to Serenity that says "Whedon, you bastard!" But they only need to be pointed out the smarts it took to move us in the way that the movie did, because watching that show, it is easy to become very attached and involved with the characters, and when things happen that hurt those folks, well, people can get very snippy.

A lot of the people I met had already met many of the cast members at various conventions or whatnot, which gave me pause. Do I want to meet these people at weird, fluffy celebrations of their work, or would I rather meet them by happenstance, or because I am collaborating? I am much more of a "meet someone if it happens" type o guy. But meeting Ben Folds and Judi Dench? Those are folks I hold in high esteem, and it's always to express thanks for the work that they do. Never to simply meet just cause of their famousness.

Another triumph for today was mastering a short route through LA and a stretch of its beloved freeway. That took some guts, and was enough to almost discourage me. There simply was no reason not to once I had my Yahoo directions, and they directed me flawlessly! And the adventure was there for the doing! I'm not going to get to do the stuff I want to do by passing up opportunities. Plus, I've been reading about Lyra and friends in the His Dark Materials trilogy. They never know which way their going, but there are always the resources to get where you need to be, and if something strange happens along the way, that adds to your experience and capability too! I was sooper intense with driving and reading my directions, so everything went off without a hitch! And I feel like I've learned something! Always gotta learn, it feels like.

And now I will transport you to a place of passion and bliss! Yes, I can do that! Just count with me One...Two...Buffalo...YOU'RE THERE!

4th full day in LA (lalalalala)

2006-06-21T22:07:08Z

Before I expound upon all the wonders that are my new surroundings, you must first know this: I met Dame Judi Dench in London and have since read 2 books on her. She is absolutely amazing. Her presence is what you might call electric, and she has the most wonderful sense of humor. I got a picture with her, and I'm guarding it a bit closely, because the ravenous Study Abroad program wanted to use it as pro travel propaganda on their website! I didn't feel quite comfortable with giving it out like that. First of all, I believe we need the Dame's permission to use it at all, and secondly, it was a very personal thing for me. It's not for the entire world. I would share it with all you guys, but not other people, you know. It was an absolute pleasure to meet her, and it's mine, mine mine.

So, this LA place. Right now I'm a bit tired from playing some pick up basketball with the locals at the Pan Pacific gym, or whatever it's called, but that's just the thing; there were open games going on all over the place. From the first day I got here, I had the feeling that I was going to be able to adapt very well very quickly, and that really seems to be the case. It's so easy to interact with the people here, and they're all very interesting and doing their own thing. That's why it's so easy around here. The freedom of expression is almost a tangible force around here.

Our little patio community has the 2 most vicious birds in the history of birdery. There's a little scraggly cat that gets hounded by these two little flying weasels. Their wings have a stripe on the outside part of their wing that makes it look like a separate little wing when they fly. It's hard to describe, but it's dang cool and very unique. But they hound this cat like it's their job! They chirrup so loudly and unceasingly and dive into the cat whenever it's in the open. The most shocking part for me was seeing how the cat reacted, or the fact that it did not react at all. It was cleaning itself and being dive bombed by this bird, but it didn't do anything! The bird claws at it before swooping back up and chases it all over the place, but it doesn't do anything. It's a very friendly cat, I've discovered, but it needs to freakin' step up its game! I feel bad for it, and maybe it feels impotent because it's been declawed, I don't know.

Potty Break...

And now! Basketball with the locals! Unfortunately, I haven't played seriously in about 3 years, but it was great. I want to play there more. It was the most effort I'd put out for a while, and I felt like puking for a while afterward, but it felt awesome to stretch my limits.

Another wonderful thing to have close by is "The Grove". It's an outdoor shopping center that's joined with a food market. The market is great, but things are very expensive, same for "The Grove". The shops are all very hip, and there's even a very nice movie theater. I saw "The DaVinci Code" yesterday, and boy, Tom Hanks was just ripping awful. No offense to the guy, cause I've heard he's a wonderful fella, but if you've heard it said that he was miscast, believe it. Ian McKellan was the best part. He brought a very busy and eager and obsessed Teabing to the party, and every moment was a pleasure to watch. He was constantly shuffling papers or himself about, and the most incredible moment (I guess I can't say too much about the plot) came towards the end with a camera perspective from directly above and some very feverish decisions to be made.

Classes start next Tuesday for the Strasberg Institute, so I'm enjoying this free time whilst it still exists. I'm excited about that too. It'll be a great surprise, and I'm not thinking about it too much, but very much looking forward to it.

You take care, you Other People! I do regret not getting to see at least three of you before I went. Chris Ashbaker, Ben Shepherd and someone else who I'll remember soon.

Sittin' here with freakin' Chinese sauce in my lap...best day ever

2006-04-16T04:03:44Z

Ok, so here's the bottom line. I hurt. In my leg. I was working on Richard III, but I'm one step closer...I really limp like him now. Swell. So, the day started with a bang. I was sittin' in the sun, kinda readin' kinda just thinkin'. It's so hard to read in direct sunlight. The brightness just bounces off the pages STRAIGHT INTO YOUR CORNEAS. I wasn't really tryin' to read too much. I decided it would be cool to jump across my outside stairs from one brick column type thing to the other. Don't know quite what to call em, cept they have sharp concrete things at the top. Also have no name for those.

I had no shoes. I had jumped the distance before with all kinds o success. Today? Not so much. I smashed my shin on the sharp concrete part. I have no idea how I landed, but I wasn't hurt in any other way, and I landed on the grass. Inspecting my leg, which didn't hurt too much, I found a very clean hole that went ALL THE WAY TO THE BONE.

Long story short. Was in el hopsital (cause they are real bouncy) from 2-7. Dan Fuertges was kind enough to drive me to methodist. It didn't hurt too much, so it was tons of fun making fun of it. I asked the desk guy if he needed my insurance card then and there, but he was real funny and said, "No. There are more important things to do now." That felt good cause it seemed like he cared and had a sense of humor. It didn't bleed quickly. Just trickled very slowly. I sat in a room with doctors dabbing at the lasceration and being funny people. I enjoyed them and their attention. The Legend of Bagger Vance was on. I hadn't seen it, but gave it little interest cause I'm not too much for feel good movies unless Cameron Diaz is headlining and being and Angel for Charlie.

So, the ER people were going to just (after a solid 2 hours of fiddling and leaving me alone with Will Smith and Matt Damon) stitch the top layer. Well, as I found out later, what about the freakin' muscle and everything else underneath, hmmm? My mom was, very coincidentally, having some mole removed by this plastic surgeon guy, who I have seen at least a few times before for other scrapes. He's the best around. He totally dominates his environment and will do what it takes to get people up to his speed. And he's almost 80. He yelled at some head nurses cause the whole electronic chart thing was a new, cumbersome system that was keeping him from giving me my surgery. The coolest part was when he said, "Can I go into the room yet?" Cause these little fomalities were keeping him from being his very unconventional self.

So, backtrack to when the ER doctor was pricking me with novacaine before my mom and dad showed up to suggest the other Dr. (Dr. Corley is his name). I wanted to watch and feel every inch of it. To remember the pain as much as possible. Well, against my will, I started to see stars. I realized I was getting very nauseous, and couldn't believe it! I didn't want that! I was bearing the pain, so dag nabbit, body stay with me! But I was going down, so I laid back and just laid in discomfort. Very uncomfortable discomfort. I don't want that kind. Thought I was going to throw up, but didn't. Got dang close. Then the parents walked in. Funny timing. Then we did the whole running around to find Dr. Corley again, which, as I said previously, just did some surgery on my mom. Funny little circle we had going, eh?

And I got X-Rays. I don't like those one bit. I feel kinda weaky weak after them. And I had a hospital gown on and everything. Wasn't butt naked underneath, though, dang.

I've got staples, stitches and adhesive on my leg now. I'll be practicing Richard III.

"Now is the winter of our discontent..."

I'M IN A BLOODY FREAKIN' BALLET

2006-03-26T00:48:06Z

Dear Everyone,

I'm in a bloody freakin' ballet. I hope you're excited too. I inherited the part from Jimmy LaHood cause he wanted to play guitar for Pippen somewheres. I really like it. Today was the first rehearsal. My part is minimal, but it's just fun to be in that environment. My partner is really cool. Her name is pronounced Atha.

Also bloody freakin' amazing about it is that we do the "patty cake" part that Mal and Inara do in Firefly in the episode "Shindig". That thrills me toes. Rehearsals are all the time next week, so it'll be so much easier to put off homework. There's something else next week that'll keep me from being estudious, but I can't remember right now.

You keep good care.

berjohnasaurus @ 2006-03-18T22:00:00

2006-03-19T04:17:51Z

I'm gonna be so fuckin' real you won't even be able to forget it. But you will forget that I said fuckin'. Cause I don't cuss. Ever. Either that or all the time.

Notes on the Florida trip? Well, a camera woulda helped me out on many occasions, like when the ocean swallowed up the sun, but it was always on the bus. Anyone know how to take a bullet to the face? I was just wondering. I was listening to 1812 overture, and when they do the canon part, I pretended like I was getting shot in the face. Or stomach. Shoulder works too. But really, after the initial spaz, do you just flop down? I suppose it matters where you got hit. Ok, so to the face? Well, that prolly just entails a bit of airtime and a lot of limpness after that. The shoulder poses some unique spinning and recovering-of-balance issues. We'll keep working on that one.

Gonna miss Chorale and everyone, yes, gonna miss it. The Bradley game last night was pretty good. My favorite part will always be the Ultra Intense 30 Seconds of Madness where no one had possession of the ball and people were falling over each other left and right and up and down.

I really liked V for Vendetta. Especially it's point about fear and being released from it. That hit high tones in my heartstrings, as well as the use of the 1812 overture. The buildup was amazing. "Can you hear the strings..." Everything. Natalie Portman? Amazing. I want to be her best friend.

A couple a weeks ago I decided I wished I could be a ballerina. Is that weird? No. They get to wear the coolest clothes and move super gracefully. That's where it's at these days. Graceful stuff. If you can walk around a room, or not just walk, but float, people like you about 2% more. It's true. And it's cause you've got poise. But not like in that movie 13 going on 30. I'm pretty sure that movie killed infants to achieve that crazy vibe it had around it and its wacky story.

So, school better not show up on Monday. If it does, I'll be pissed.

There's all kinds a power in this world. Power from talking loud. Power from being mean and meaning it. Power from posture. Power from stillness. Power from violence. Power from compassion. Power from assertion. Power from being oneself.

I'm gonna go do some of the coolest things in the world. Catch me later.

berjohnasaurus @ 2006-03-17T01:13:00

2006-03-17T07:25:29Z

Can I tell ya what a great time Florida was? It was sweet. The Chorale and all its happy members (save for Daniel Crumrine) enjoyed some time in the sun and warmer weather, thanks to Dr. Jost and driver Joe Cruise.

I've lived a life of observation and I'm a little tired of it. I wasn't so much observing a while ago, but now I'm back at it again, and dang it, it takes up too much brain. Observing has lots of creative perks, which I'm heavily in the market for, but all that brain it takes up is, well gone.

Then there's the future. What the shit is California going to bring? New stuff, and I'll be ready to meet it, I thought you should know. Cause what other choice do we have? To not be ready? Forget that. Who could come up with something like that? It's the future and it's quite ridiculously unplanned.

Deep is deep. People are deep, often unexplainably so, and unpredictably so. Let's have a moment to deduce all such people we know. You can't do it, can you? Nope. Let's shoot for whatever wisdom gets us lined up with whatever thing helps us become something great.

Lots of wandering sometimes, but that's good, great. Here's me lookin' to come out of the wandering mode for a while to do some real, actual stuff. As me, of course. Real me.

berjohnasaurus @ 2006-03-05T20:35:00

2006-03-06T02:44:49Z

A girl followed a boy around for an hour or so. Step by step they walked together, or rather separately but in the same direction. He turned around. Considered her as the first thing he'd considered all day besides whether 9 or 10 was the proper waking hour. He said, "What are you looking at?" She did not wish confrontation, so she looked down at what happened to be a beautiful rock. She picked it up. "At this pretty rock," she said. He looked and looked. She approached and came nearer. One step back for him, two more forward for her. She knew he wasn't going too quickly. "For you," she said. "Thank you," he replied. "And your shoelace is untied," she added. "I like them that way," he said. "That way, when I fall, I know why." She stepped on his shoelace. "Now walk." He tried and fell. He knew she'd done it. He let her trip him. "Are you hurt?" she asked. "No," said he. "Then get up." "Pull me." "I will." "Thank you."

It Never Does Come Back Down

2006-02-19T23:37:48Z

I just viewed Match Point. Boy, that movie gives such good thinking. I just saw a picture where boy was behind girl, with his arms around her, holding her. What a picture. Looked happy, but who can hold anyone like that? Keeping them where they are. Trapped. That kind relates to Match Point. Main dude (cause I'm not lookin' up his name) has a girlfriend, and then wife. But who is she? She gets put aside. She lives for main dude, but how can she grow? Outgrow her terrible circumstances? Well, certainly not when she's living with/for Main dude.

Gets me thinkin' about how far I want/need to go. Who has the time to get caught in a crappy relationship? Yes, there are wonderful ones, but who can think of sharing a bed/all their time with someone? We need time to get shit together, and really, there don't seem to be too many people to share life fully with. So what do we do? We write and create and light fireworks in our pants cause it's darned exciting.

But what do we do post fireworks lighting? Lots. And it involves dinosaurs and prehistoric scenes. That's jus the way it is. And we write songs. Cause my name's Pony and the music's in my head. Sometimes it's about the message. But there's such ugliness and discontent on the way to the message. Maybe that's why we need thrilling heroics and someone to lead us out of the blanket. But then again, shit, we're old enough to do that ourselves, not that it doesn't hurt to have Nathan Fillions to root for. And god dammit, we root. Like hell.

And then we never grow up. Even though we're old enough and with a few lessons under our belt. We keep fuckin' strapped into our lil tyke seats. Not too hard. We let creep in what we want. But for the most part, the younger state of mind lets us forget crap and accept more readily. The younger sort don't get jaded.

All states are fluid, and we can't be blamed for being in one or another.

Psychologist from the 60s says, "If we can share our lives with others, it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped."

That quote says the best things, most obvious, that we can't connect with everyone, and we can stop trying so hard, for gosh sakes. We let connect what feels right. We put out the effort, but we don't break our backs.

No blame, but responsibility and understanding.

Never forget your name. Claim your birthright, and make somethin' friggin' great.

How cowboys got to be so lonesome

2006-02-15T06:16:58Z

The hugely masculine cowboy sidled up the the wayward cowgirl. The cowgirl, impressed with the cowboy's composure and rough grace, asked the cowboy, "Why d'ya wear those spurs?"

The cowboy replied, "Well, I wear me these spurs ta make meh feel more masculine."

"Oh. Well why do you wear your hat? Oh, do tell me more!"

"Cause bah wearin' mah hat, I gets to feelin' more masculine. More'n a lil."

"Well I see," said the cowgirl.

The cowboy needed no more prodding to continue this exercise.

"And I don't wears me no underwears cause I feels more masculine."

And at that he'd said enough. He'd said far too much in fact. The lasso did no good. He went home a lonesome cowboy that night. He couldn't frickin' believe it.

Girls chase boys with maracas.

2006-01-01T05:42:40Z

I observe:

When we get older, we get bigger. After we stop growing taller, we still kinda ENLARGE. Not to say that we get fatter either. We just EMBIGGEN. Our hands, feet, head (oh god, how the nose keeps growing!) seem to keep going. I've noticed it in myself. I'm currently in the process of getting adult hands and feet. I stopped to watch it today, but quickly got bored, as it is rarely entertaining.

I guess I'm ok with these body growths.

berjohnasaurus @ 2005-12-30T23:20:00

2005-12-31T05:48:34Z

So, let's hear a little about work and The Squid and the Whale. Ok, then.

I really like work at TGI Fridays. I love meeting and interacting with the new people I meet that I call "not friends". Nah, I like em well enough, and they like me, maybe, but who has time to build relationships when there are dishes to clear and people to seat? It is quite an interesting environment, filled with bouncy waitresses. If you're lucky, you'll get what I got for my first comment from a waitress. She said, and give way for a big frickin' drumroll, because how often do you hear: "You're tall. Let's do it." While we have not "done it", she's just one of the funny personalities.

The next interesting person I just decided should be called Queen of the Darkety Darkness. She has dyed black hair and quite dark, um, whatever it is that you rub around your eyes that make you look a bit raccoonish. So yes. Her name alone keeps me in an elevated state of levity. All the time!

When I'm just picking up dishes and whatnot, I think about people's motivations for things. Like how and why bosses decide to assert their incredible power over me which really goes no farther than 10 feet in front of him. And why are people nice to you? Not cause they're just nice. Never just nice. They want you to like them. They make themselves vulnerable so that you feel comfortable and want them to keep liking you. We're really in a huge liking huddle in this world. Always to get what we want. I can't think of a time when someone was being just nice. We know how it feels when someone likes us back. That's the incentive to like others.

And now...The Squid and the Whale. Holy crap. This is one of my favorite movies. Utterly painful. So dearly tragic. But hilarious! I was smiling and on the verge of laughter the whole time! The actors are so incredible in their parts. Don't single one out for greatness, cause then you have to give kudos to the rest. Oscars...remember to watch this one. And pay attention. Just cause it didn't use some crazy standard font for the credits doesn't mean you can't take it seriously. If the world is just, this movie will be planted in our brains for constant viewing.

Some people will be incredibly turned off by what happens. But this is a living, breathing reality. There is so much to learn. 7 bucks to learn more about people like that is cheap. And more about ourselves. Because we can see some of ourselves in those characters, particularly in the kids as they're struggling to find themselves, or a place to wipe their semen. Yes, I don't mind spoiling the semen adventures.

After watching this movie, I did get gravely serious and sad. Thought about it for a long time. Because it is truly horrible to exist as these characters. We need some good connections. But this is how we learn. And this is how the characters learned. Let's go see it again.

For anyone who's anyone, and I'm sorry to exclude lots and lots of you, Firefly and Serenity has been a huge part of your life these last few months, if not since the show originally aired in 2002. Well, the Big Damn Movie's official fan website: http://browncoats.serenitymovie.com/serenity/ is shutting its doors Jan 3. Sadness ensues, but there is someone who is taking the time and care necessary to preserve Joss Whedon's interviews and posts.

Now for Joss things. Go to the browncoats site and search the message boards for Joss' posts. It's easy. Just like googling yourself. Except without that happy stalker haze. Unless you're stalking Joss. That's a bad idea. He's in good with the X-Men, so watch out.

What I'm ambling about trying to say is that Joss creates some of the most authentic art around. I have been amazed to always find humor and wisdom about writing whenever he speaks. I have been greatly influenced by him. He has always had tremendous support from his fans, and he is so danged accessible. Think what you want about whether or not an artist should party with his/her fans, but Joss knows how to keep his distance. He knows where to draw the line. Just check the man out. I swear to you that you will be inspired. If you're into that sort of thing. If you like more of that zombie trance state of mind where your most commonly used phrase is, "Sup, mah brotha?" then by all means, eat some brains. But if you have ambition, hope and dreams, then by all means, learn a little bit from a guy who can make things happen. A guy who has learned a lot about playing the game and has a relatively high level of skill at it. Or just hold him. And ask him to open his mind to you. To share. Not so that you may become him, but so that you can share a rich, meaningful, transforming connection.

And I think it's time to read, then back to work for more of my 4 day, 8-9 hours a day, party.

berjohnasaurus @ 2005-12-07T19:20:00

2005-12-08T01:42:31Z

Pride and Prejudice features some of the most naturalistic acting I've ever seen. It's this type of movie that we really get to see if this actor/actress are all they're cracked up to be. At times they're put in the most normal of situations, like at the dinner table, and they've got to put themselves and their character forward to deliver what is most important in the scene because sometimes the scenes just take their time displaying the characters.

The actors (including females in the term) are always doing something. They have the most tremendous continuous shot at the beginning that shows life on the farm, with our characters coming and going, performing their functions. I don't remember if it's Jane, but one of the girls hums an improvised melody as we watch her drift from room to room, doing whatever it is she's doing. I don't remember what she was doing because her melody was accompanied by the soundtrack. What a fascinating thing! I sized up the soundtrack and noticed that it wasn't anything spectacular (darn) but that's the thing: she wasn't singing anything spectacular, and she lives a life away from bombastic, spectacular music, except for the occasional rousing ball. How I wish an actual quartet of musicians could pump a room full of music the way it seems in the movie. It would do no good to have a lesser soundtrack, so this pumped up one is just right.

I was one of two boys and we were two of eleven or so people in the theatre. If you followed the math, that means that we sat behind (not directly) a row of girls who reacted marvelously to the film. At one point, the anticipation had risen so high, one of the girls squealed, "He's going to propose!" Other times, there was just a whole lot of giggling, which me and my friend (Shom) couldn't help but be swept up in.

When Mr. Collins (Tom Hollander) arrives at the Bennet household, we're all treated to the most hilariously awkward man in the history of social interaction. Watching him try to dance with and propose to Elizabeth Bennet (Kiera Knightly) are some of the funniest occasions in the movie.

In the world where a lady bows before every man, and here you can tell just what they're thinking by how they bow, a woman must be as cultured as possible. The Bennets have not had the resources for such art, music and literature training. Lady Catherine de Bourg (Judi Dench) interrogates Lizzie Bennet about her interations with her soon to be beau, Mr. Darcy. Lady Catherine cannot stand how uncultured the Bennets are, and tries with all her vain powers to dissuade both parties (Darcy and Bennet) that their union would be a curse to heaven itself. Lizzie Bennet is often smiling brilliantly, but it is easy to see how quickly her eyes turn cold. She is not fooled by upper class dreams. She has only herself, and she is not positioned to sacrifice herself for an unworthy man or lifestlye. Her moments alone are completely reflective, while her rebuke aimed at Lady Catherine is one of the most satisfying parts of the movie because Lizzie is not to be dissuaded nor shamed. She does not live so that others can tell her "no". She lives so that she can choose her own path, contemplating life in empty rooms and amid nature.

Everything is worked out so that Mr. Darcy is an honorable man, and that Lizzie will be grateful to accept him. I can't help thinking that she's dropped her defenses too easily, but the movie has to compact time, so my assumption is unfounded. Hearing her speak so sweetly to Mr. Darcy is the payoff for her life thus far. She has struggled and never settled for less than what she wanted. Now she has found a suitable partner and can let down these defenses to enjoy the Romantic Ideal Love.

Sad feelings about Aeon Flux

2005-12-04T17:45:13Z

On Friday I posted a super harsh review of Aeon Flux that I think was totally justified, but rudely harsh. After I saw the show, I saw a very polite but pointed review of the movie at http://filmforce.ign.com/articles/673/673362p1.html. Sorry, I no know how to do links. I decided that I needed to redo my review so that I wasn't just expounding on how huge a grudge I had on this movie. I heard somewhere that Charlize Theron said she did it for the money. Maybe someone made that up, but with that in mind, I walked into the movie ready to criticize every imperfect thing about it. If she was just gonna jump on it with little preparation (which is how it seemed to turn out), then I was going to be quite unforgiving. It is sorta unforgivable to do a movie without putting your heart into it. And there coulda been a lot of special things about Aeon Flux.

I love empowered girl stories, so I guess we'll just have to wait for Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman.

Peace out, playas. If I can get the brain cells together in the near future, I'll write a bit about Aeon. Finals are rearing up, and I just started work at TGI Friday's, so we'll see what happens. We'll see, we'll see!

Today's Romance

2005-11-26T08:16:33Z

Just one look and he
Had her pregnant.
She didn't want the baby,
but she loved him dearly,
So she reached in and molded
Him into a second heart
So she could love him
More thoroughly and completely.
Satisfied with the two hearts
That were in love with him,
The father of the child
Turned heart thought it sufficient
To love her with his single heart.
He was wrong.
Her enormous, doubly throbbing love
Was not reciprocated, and therefore
Her hearts of joy and lust
Had no place to rest.
They were so frantic and anxious.
Why does he not love me as I love him,
She asked her two pulsing red hearts.
It is because he cannot or will not,
They replied, and whithered a bit
At the truth divulged.
Love should fill the void to be filled,
Not fall short or mid way.

Her name is unknown,
But she found a man with no heart,
And gave him one of hers.
Now he is possessed by a heart that was hers,
And he can do no less,
Than love her till its beating gives way
And returns to her. Finally.

Earth to Mars!

2005-11-26T07:30:21Z

Tomorrow we will (likely, likely, most likely) uncover who murdered Lilly Kane! So many questions to be answered! How can this show have brought me to such giddy heights? You'll find out if you watch Veronica Mars!

A Post Spouse Existence

2005-11-26T07:26:50Z

Within the next 50 years
No one will have the gall to
Claim another as their own
Under the guise of the position: Spouse.
We'll all live in one large house,
As one large family.
Our fathers will give us their own
Unique spin on puberty,
And we'll invariably begin dating our sisters,
Because we need that kind of attention.
Our Uncles and priests won't abuse us
Because they'll be too busy getting
Acquainted with the newcomers.
If a war erupts between our
Sisters of the East and our
Brothers of the West,
I fear our Grandparents shall
Have to step in and wrest us apart,
As we jealously fight for the spotlight
And center of attention in one very
Monstrous and boxy house.

We'll live forever in this house.
No one will be outside.
The crops, the jobs, the family
Will all remain under one roof as one.
One giant mass of sweating bodies
Creating an energy crisis through the
Enormous necessity of air conditioning
And Full Spectrum Emitting lights to grow food
And simulate beaches.

But the main thing is:
There'll be no spouses.
Doesn't that take the pressure off?
Relationships, sure, but we're already together
As a family, so quit cryin' over your
Hot sister and ask her out. Just walk the halls.
Someone is looking for you in your attitude shirts
And stockingfooted legs.

Exit Portals

2005-11-25T11:07:40Z

How does one find their way
To the mysterious Exit Portals?
I thought they were so well hidden
Because for one thing, they mean danger.

Why should one choose
To seek the very final Portals?
Is something too large? Too tall?
Too obtuse or small?

What enters the mind first,
Before one knows it is a portal they seek?
Have they finished all their work?
Wrapped it up, bows galore, a precise order?

Or is it because things are so askew,
That options can no longer be tried,
Or all other doors have closed,
So we see those left are the portals.

It seems a most viable option, does it not?
If you or I should need a break,
Who'd not allow it?
Portals for rest would be best.

Or what is all the fuss about?
Portals or not?
It's because what leads to the portals,
Are hallowed halls of sadness.

Each hall is built for a reason, for a person.
Each hall is built to last, so the sadness
Lingers, teaching others to stay
If only for a hushed, anxious minute longer.

My door is jealous. Of you who have already left.
It has not gotten to use its recently sharpened teeth,
A once a year occasion, done by some great Aunt
Or other. They're trying to get the message out.

The sharpened teeth tear away the flesh
That we have forfeited. What else is no
Longer ours once we pass through
The cold and lonely places of quiet air.

Disturbed by some state of mind or act,
The door men and women assigned to us
Will hurry into action; building or tearing down
Bits of our door so it will be ready exactly as we need it.

One man jumped through his half finished.
His choice was both accidental and full of purpose.
That door man is out of work, building his own door,
Through which he will pass, though no choice of his own.

So, where is this sadness again?
That makes it so terrible a thing
To pass through the door for you?
It's waiting here, you dial it simply.

Groove to the Ab Crunch

2005-11-23T19:59:54Z

Imagine Barbados, the Caribbean Island, lush with all kinds of plants and beautiful women brought there for the men folk. Well, pardon a fella for thinking that's what it seems, at least. Either way, of the two aforementioned attractions in Barbados, you're guaranteed to forget one of them in order to free up more brain cells to remember and interact stupidly with the other.

What would you do there? What couldn't you do there? What romantic situations does it illicit simply by being one of the most beautiful places on earth to love and make it? These young lovers aren't here simply to feel the infectious naked vibe, they're here to flatten the stomachs and tone the gleuts; showcasing an emotional depth never before experienced. Here we are, ready to experience the five dollar, two DVD pilates workout set by Shelley McDonald and Jennifer Tilley.

Within the first disk, which is three circles out of five circles of difficulty, we discover four spiritually heightening exercises, each targeting groups of muscles that are key in the love makin' boogie woogie. One routine focuses entirely on whipping your abs into washboard material, another tones the flabby areas, the penultimate exercise covers proper stretching and breathing techniques, while the last focuses on posture and balance.

Me, being the tall, frothy glass o' grape juice I am, have chosen the routine that focuses on posture and balance so I can pull an assertive stance in all those tricky social situations.

Those three circles of difficulty must stand for the amount of muscles you'll tear on your first excursion, because these exercises are no easy stretch-and-release. That said, I had no difficulty with the exercises due to my abnormally robust bone and muscle structure. That advisory was...for...um...everyone else. Pardon the keyboard stutter.

Visually, these exercises will sweep you into sunful Barbados for some professional workin' and sweatin'. Waves are crashing pleasantly in the background, a boom box pumps enthusiastic beats and there are two very in-shape women who want to get you into their lives, at least to demonstrate a few stretches and lifts.

Shelly McDonald is our leading lady thrust into the background. This series is HER series, but she is merely the model shaped and instructed by Jennifer Tilley, the real deal, it seems. Nevertheless, Shelly glows and exerts with a grace that surpasses even her instructor at times.

Jennifer Tilley is where our attention finds its home and remains for the majority of the sessions. She is also the weathered, emotional backbone that draws us deeper into the transcendent experience of Pilates than ever could be imagined. Upon close examination of her face, and slightly looser skin clinging to her abdominals, she has clearly been around the exercise circuit for quite some time, and one wonders whether a few antioxidants could have preserved those features a bit better. But that is nit picking. She still glows, she's just a few watts dimmer than Shelly. What Jennifer lacks, only slightly, in looks, she makes up for in her emotional range. Just watch her perform a modified push-up and try to stifle the tear that is desperately making fast headway for your tear ducts. When Jennifer moves her hands around, exclaiming, "OH! Hot mat, hot mat!" You'll be right there with her, wishing you could support her and say, "It's ok. I'm here. Just move your hands to where you were sitting, and it should be alright. By god, we'll find a cool place for your delicate fingers!" It only gets more intense. You may want to watch this with a friend or significant other for the support you will undoubtedly need as the series gets underway.

Bound by Wild Desire

2005-11-23T04:26:12Z

I'm quite excited that I can play a rather unsophisticated "Ring of Fire". I never really learned any songs other than lesson material when I played guitar, so I'm gonna play the heck out of it, cause right now, I'm so very addicted.

The Loveliest Ones.

2005-11-21T22:16:02Z

To a Cheating Whore

I'm so proud of you.
You're so great.
I can't wait to show you off for all my parents and friends.
But I can't think of you like that.
You're too special to show off.
You shine on your own.
I wish I could bottle your light and keep it in my room,
So that at night I'd remember you just as if you were there,
Teaching me the finer things about being a gentleman and
How exactly to hold your hand.

So tell me this,
Cause I'm foggy on the logic,
How did your underwear make it
All the way into my younger brother's room?
I don't remember taking you in there.
How could it have gotten there?
I'm sure I'm overreacting.
If you were here, you'd tell me I'm overreacting,
And there'd be some explanation to satisfy my doubt.
But this is me talking to the you in my head,
And I think I know just what went on.

Is he really that cute?
Is it cause he looks like me,
And you want to own me and all my likenesses?
I mean, he is my brother,
And I'd like to think,
That if you were willing to love me,
I'd go a few days next week
Without finding your undergarments
In his room, atop his desk,
In his very drawers, possibly being worn
By him right now.
But I doubt that last one.

I've checked every day this week.
There's always been something to find.
I saw his and your underwear tied in knots.
I can only imagine how that happened,
And it probably happened one of 32 ways.
Please know that I love you dearly,
And want this relationship to go on
As long as possible or until I can find a better one.

It stinks to be alone only slightly more
Than it stinks to be with you,
The cheating whore.

Offering Up a Whole Lotta Hell

2005-11-20T01:19:22Z

Their salvation is in their music. Their salvation is in each other.

How disgusting!

Walk the Line is filled with unsavory characters. Jerry Lee Lewis (Waylon Payne) says that they're all goin' to hell for the songs they're singin', which may seem a joke to youthful sensibilities (thinkin' it'd take a dish a might spicier than rock 'n' roll to get the good flames goin'), but there will always be the outcry from those whose morals have been marinating their brains for a good, long while. During this movie it seems that sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll are poised to systematically destroy young rocker, country singer Johnny Cash

The movie opens with a plain piece of visual information after moseyin' its way into Folsam prison: Johnny Cash is brooding over a saw bench, unable to heed the command to perform and the music highlighting his arrival. That saw means somethin' big to Johnny. It's about time we find out...what's this? Time to dive into the past!

I was a bit frustrated by what I felt was a trivialization of the characters. Johnny spends all night (or as much as an angry hick father lets him) listening to the radio, and his brother, Jack Cash, is a good boy and wants to be a preacher. Facts are facts. Johnny, even at this age seems to be an outlaw, which makes one wonder, in addition to the obvious aforementioned saw, if something tragic might happen that sends Johnny's life in a different direction. Oh my, yes! Before an untimely demise, a nice joke is planted that will be revisited later to amusing affect, but it takes place in a dark time in Johnny's life, rather than the light, fun days of his childhood.

Next on the list of things that must be in place to ensure our hero has enough reason to fight for all he's worth to prove himself, is his angry father. The father wants to sell the piano, and when Jack Cash dies, his father wishes it was Johnny that had died and not his son who was ready poised to live a safe life as a preacher. A refusal by his mother, Vivian Cash, (Ginnifer Goodwin) to sell the family piano shows that at least someone has sympathy for Johnny's alternative life interests.

But what lights a fire under Johnny's pants the most? Someone questions his belief in God. Music producer Sam Phillips (Dallas Roberts) says Cash's music (from hymnals) has been done time and time again. Not only that, but Sam says Cash is unconvincing. Uh oh. Them's the words that start the punchin'. Cash bucks low and plows his way through some songs he recorded in the air force. One reviewer for a newspaper mentioned that Joaquin Phoenix had an exceedingly poor voice for Cash's music, and he mentioned the studio scene as an example. What a poor example. I lombast because Cash is just getting started and has had no vocal training, not to mention, he's nervous as heck. So, he's going to sound bad. The improvement in concert is quite remarkable. Entrancing and vibrant.

Cash seems to battle his addiction to perscription pills for a good third of the movie. This is interesting to me because Cash never seems to be able to get himself back on his feet again, even when he gets to bed June Carter (Reese Whitherspoon), the lively singer who takes care of Johnny when he needs it most. And he needs it most a lot. I came to the conclusion that Johnny doesn't deserve June. But that's beside the point, and shame on me for saying so. The question has nothing to do with if he deserves her. It's the love for her that carries him through. He needs her to care for him, and she needs him because he's constant. Carter has been married and remarried many times before and just can't seem to choose a winner. Cash never belittles her or thinks less of her, even when he's still married he'd obviously rather be by her side.

Cash's music punctuates the soundtrack and does the job of punctuating the emotional content of Cash's life. He shore wrote a lot about hurtin'. I may be crushed and killed for this statement, but I prefer Whitherspoon's Carter to the real deal. In the bit that I've heard of the real Carter, I think Whitherspoon's voice is more robust. I could be wrong. That's a premature opinion from just hearing a little, but I'll do the research.

Joapquin Phoenix gives us a tremendously flawed Johnny Cash, which I appreciate fiercly. Why fiercely? Cause I love to see the pain written on his face and in his eyes. When he can achieve that level of emotional depth in a story, I gotta give him all kindsa kudos.

The concerts portrayed in the movie seemed so real and immediate that I had to hold myself back at the last second from clapping. When Johnny is at his height with Carter, I got major goosebumps from their lovely connection.

Who's next on the list for Rockstar biopics? I see a time when Elton John and Billy Joel and innumerable others will be thrown onscreen. I hope the filmmakers take the time and care that they did with this man's journey.

Takin' the Woodsy, Woodsy Way

2005-11-17T05:48:40Z

Ever afraid of humanity after a terrible injustice has been inflicted? Ever been afraid of yourself because of what you might be capable of? Ever afraid that you might have a tad too much in common with people considered bad?

For those of us who are convinced we live a 'normal' existence, there are people, real, human people, who wish to share this mask of comfort and think it actually is a genuine thing. When someone does something so revolting and unacceptable, can they ever really belong again to the brotherhood (includes sisterhood) we share as humans?

Kevin Bacon (Walter) works terrible magic to deliver us a devastatingly real story about a pedophile whose recurring question to his therapist is, "When will I be normal?", as if normal is a blissful, static state you attain and never need to worry about leaving.

After 12 years in jail for molesting little girls that he, "never hurt! I never hurt them," (oh, but he did, and perhaps he realizes this, and it makes the tale all the more gripping and lonely), Walter starts work at a lumber yard. The only landlord who would accept his money places him in an apartment that faces a school playground where he is all but forced to listen to and watch the children at play.

The torment that Walter feels is constantly in his eyes. As he sees the children, you know something is wrong. The hurt never really leaves his eyes, but it surfaces in a big way whenever he is facing his fears, which is all the time.

Walter finds a sympathetic relationship with a tough girl at the lumber yard, Vicki (Kyra Sedwick), who we find has grown up with brothers that couldn't keep their hands to themselves. Their relationship is a bit rocky, but Vicki is the only one who can come close to understanding him and help him find some companionship.

All the symptoms of the mental condition that Walter is combating surface in such beautiful ways. We are not told right away that Walter is a pedophile. We see him watch the school playground with and without children. As he walks by it one day, he imagines a red dodge ball roll out to his feet. The gate was open. Perhaps it never used to be locked. As we come back to reality, we see that the gate is locked, perhaps specifically because of what he did. The gates to that part of society are closed to him. He is the unwashed and unacceptable; The monster.

We want him to succeed in his new life, but how can he when he seems to be losing the battle? Walter is such a conflicted individual that he deserves to be saved, but that is no guarantee. There is no magical elixir. He has done nearly the most vile act possible, and how can we allow him to live in our world? We would rather he stay locked away so that we and our children will be safe. A rough, but at times seemingly sympathetic Sgt. Lucas (Mos Def) speculates as to why people like Walter are allowed to go free when he knows they're only going to go back to abusing girls. It seems that Lucas knows that Walter is different and has real capacity for change, but he also knows there is real danger for him to regress, and he would like to catch him and put him away for life.

There are scenes in this movie that I will not discuss, but absolutely HAVE to be seen. There is one of the most remarkable child actors, Hannah Pilkes (Robin), who has such wisdom beyond her years that we get to see one of the most gloriously heart breaking scenes ever.

Here we have a movie that is sensitive to its characters and respects them enough to give us full view into their inner struggle. The most private moments are for us to see and understand, or at least to feel the trauma.

No one but his girlfriend could understand him the way she does. No one but Robin could help move him along in his journey the way she does. These are remarkable people in their depth of humanity and struggle to survive. These people need each other. Us 'normal' people are of little use to people like Walter. Haven't thought to say this in so long: It takes one to know one.

So, how dangerous are we really? Do we see a bit of ourselves in Walter that just might slip out? Can we fear the future and long for relief as these characters do?

This man is different. As a society, we must buck up and be prepared to support this type of person, because they cannot find their way on their own, and our conventional methods of restraining them and silencing them are only adding further injustices.

Here you have a living, breathing pedophile. For this role, I am sure that Kevin Bacon brought himself to be attracted and sexually interested in little girls. Without that, I don't think he could express his struggle as richly as he does, and he speaks volumes with only his eyes, as should always be the case.

Clive Owen has the most alluring eyes

2005-11-12T04:08:19Z

Isn't that what we should be teaching our kids? Never mind how the outside or the inside contribute to their luster, they're just plain hot. I think we can conquer our superficiality and move straight to the shallowest of shallow within one generation. No, I think there is something special about someone's eyes, and whatever it is helps makes Clive Owen a danged good actor. Same with Al Pacino's wide eyed intensity, among other marvels.

Derailed is the first movie by the Weinstein Company (unimaginatively titled, but it wants the blunt advertisement, I guess) since they quit Miramax.

One aspect of Derailed that is interesting to me is what a person becomes within the limitations they set themselves. A little truth telling at the beginning of the movie, and things could have been wrapped up pretty quickly and unhappily, but when Charles Shine (Clive Owen) shoves the honesty to protect someone he cares about, the story races ahead, and his role is mainly reactionary to what circumstance he's placed in by the man who's threatening him, Philip Laroche (Vincent Cassel), with the promise that he will reveal his near affair with Lucinda Harris (Jennifer Aniston). He must hide the increasingly complex (and jail worthy) truth from everyone as he tries to just let it blow over by doing what is demanded of him by Laroche, and I wonder, why won't Charles just gum up and let the truth come forward? Because that is not his journey. He must be stubborn and do what it takes to try to wrap things up even though it comes at the expense of his family's life and safety.

Charles' figure is skinny with a cragged face. His posture says a lot about his state of being as he becomes an increasingly desperate man. Owen is perfect for a man who is just a little tired of the troubles of home, and to an extent, can't be blamed for seeking a little time away from a terribly sick daughter that has created an unintended strain on his marriage.

I'll venture to say that those who say that Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston have no on screen chemistry fail to understand that the situation they involve each other in is tremendously awkward. Neither of them seem to feel quite comfortable with the cheating they are doing. That is as it should be.

Also of interest is how Charles is always at the mercy of Laroche who dangles the information over his head that he would be quite willing to share with his wife if Charles doesn't come up with more and more blackmail money. He can never have the upper hand because he is too afraid of the consequences he would reap if he were to do the honest thing.

I found myself wondering what kind of ending Charles deserves. He's no scum, but he has no distinct good guy tactics. As he races to cover his cheating tracks, he only manages to hurt more people. His quest for cover up comes at their expense.

Charles' daughter, Amy Schine, (Addison Timlin) has the worst brand of diabetes, and watch how her hope for future treatment hangs in the balance as Charles uses the money stashed away for her treatment in the hopes of satiating the villain.

This is a selfish man who, if it weren't for a particularly nasty villain (of course he must be!) to offend the elderly in the audience, (heard a collective gasp when Laroche brags about one of his nastier tricks) wouldn't deserve redemption or revenge. But we cry for Laroche's blood and pray for Charles to get his life back together. His daughter deserves justice, and so does his wife, Deanna Schine (Melissa George). We might even want her to have sympathy for Charles' situation, but it is best that he suffers alone.

The end is perhaps too good for what our man Charles deserves, but it doesn't go so far as to offer him a halo or knighthood, which I'm grateful for.